worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
