i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize