Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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