I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
