When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
