I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
