there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
