Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
