All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
