she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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