I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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