How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
