i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
