The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
