dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
