everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
