he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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