i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
