im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
