Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize