lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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