why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
