Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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