I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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