How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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