I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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