the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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