Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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