I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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