i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
