(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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