I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Please don't give away my fajitas
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