Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
