Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
