ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
