At least make sure they are 18
Why
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
