no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
