ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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