just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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