Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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