so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
