I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize