I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
