It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
