I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize