Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
50% drunk capacity currently
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
