Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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