If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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