Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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