you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
