kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
