So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
