I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
