seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
