He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
