She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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