Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
