matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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