btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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