Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
