He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
