It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize