this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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