My nipple is on Facebook.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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