well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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