is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
