I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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