I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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