Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
