hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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