Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
