Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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