were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
